Find someone in this world who hasn’t been rejected by those around them, and I’ll change my name to Batman.
Okay, I won’t. My wife wouldn’t approve.
Rejection is a real giant that we all face. The worst part? It often comes from those closest to us—or at least, those we thought were close.
We’ve all been there: the victim of inside jokes, left out of plans we really wanted to be part of (even though we might not have enjoyed it once there), denied a position we desperately wanted, picked last for a team, or simply feeling overlooked.
Whether through words or actions, feeling cast aside is deeply painful. Rejection literally “piggybacks on physical pain pathways in the brain” (source: Psychology Today).
As one of the millions of victims of rejection, I’ve often poured out my heart in prayer over the hurt. But I’ve also picked up some powerful lessons along the way, and I hope they’ll help anyone who might need them.
1. Set Apart, Not Cast Aside
Rejection can leave you feeling like you’ve been cast aside, overlooked, or passed by. But if you are in Christ, you’re called to be holy, and the literal meaning of “holy” is “set apart.” You haven’t been cast aside; you’ve been set apart, making you unique and special. Sometimes, you are not included in certain plans or conversations because God wants to keep you away from them. Because you have been, say it with me – set apart. God can even use rejection to shape and mold you into His image because He has much greater plans than what you’re missing out on.
You are being set apart, not cast aside.
2. Hurt People Hurt People
Remember that those who’ve rejected you have also faced rejection—perhaps even by you. Everyone has to face the giant of rejection, and that battle is rarely painless. But more often than not, the people who do the most damage by using the weapon of rejection are the ones who have been most wounded by it. They are not your enemies. . You can choose to be angry at them and continue the cycle of hate and rejection, or you can choose to forgive them and pray for them every single day. Pray for them, and your armor will grow stronger – until one day, rejection’s mighty sword will feel like a dull knife to you.
3. Maybe Your Calling Is to Be Rejected
There have been moments when I’ve been alone and wondered, “What is it about me that’s so easy to ignore or leave out? That people find so easy to ignore or not include? That friends find it necessary to forget about my existence?”
I’ve often found that I have two choices: to become another hurt person who hurts people or to lean into God and allow Him to transform me through this pain.
What if being rejected is a unique calling that’s been placed on your life? Yeah, I know it’s not one that anyone would pick. But most callings come with a cost. Callings are like roses, and they do come with their thorns.
But what if you have been called to be rejected now, in order to be called to accept others?
What if you, because of your understanding of exactly how painful rejection can be, have been chosen to help others who carry this burden too? To ease their pain? To lighten their suffering?
What if you have ‘been assigned this mountain so that you can show others that it can be moved?’
(What a quote. I wish I’d come up with it.)
Yes, hurt people hurt people. But you can choose to be one of those special few who say, “I’ve been hurt, and that is why I won’t hurt others. I’ve been hurt, and that is why I’ll help them with the hurt that they face.”
4. Rejection Can Be Prophetic
This one has made the biggest difference in my life. During one of the times when I felt most rejected and my heart was in pain, I took it to God in prayer and, in full honesty, vomited out every feeling to Him. I cried out about everything that people had done to make me feel this way – to make me feel alone, in spite of everything I had done for them (and I had done a lot). I told Him how I had felt used when I was needed, but was never wanted; and that it was all so unfair.
I felt a voice in my heart and I am sure it was His. I felt it say, in pain, “My son. Now you know how I feel.”
In that moment, with a heart more broken than mine, I felt God tell me, “Despite all I have done (and you know I have done a lot), people ignore Me. They use Me when they need Me, but hardly ever want Me.
And sometimes, you’re one of them. Isn’t that unfair?”
If you’ve read the book of the prophet Hosea, you know Hosea was called to marry a prostitute, was cheated on and betrayed, yet still went back to redeem her and rescue her when she was being sold as a slave.
Our hearts break for Hosea, but we miss the point: our hearts should be breaking for God. Hosea’s story is a small glimpse into God’s heart.
Rejection can work the same way. Sometimes, your pain from rejection is God sharing His heart with you.
And that’s an intimate, deep friendship with the Creator of the universe.
5. The Gospel Is More Than Enough
People may reject you, but the Creator of the universe wants you. It cost Him His everything to get you. He suffered, bled, and died on the cross to claim your heart.
God wants you. He chooses you.
When rejection rears its ugly head, shouting out to you that you are unwanted, ask yourself – what is being withheld from you that the Gospel of Jesus Christ isn’t enough to fulfill?
You’ll quickly see that what you’re missing out on is just a faint glow compared to the radiant and glorious light of Jesus, the One who has infinite love for you.
