Ever since I decided I believed in Jesus and relinquished control of ‘my plan,’ I struggled with the fear that God wasn’t for me.
I thought if I went in the wrong direction, then God would abandon me. I thought if I said the wrong stuff, then God would give up on me. Sometimes I still grapple with this contorted view of God and I have to remind myself God is a lot of things, but He isn’t the game maker in the Hunger Games.
I had to learn that God bears no resemblance to imperfect people. He made them and He fashioned them in His likeness, but he isn’t shifty or shady. He doesn’t have ulterior motives. He isn’t looking at me and waiting for the bottom to drop out.
He likely sees me and his big heart breaks to know I’ve been wearing lies like layers of clothing ever since we’ve met. He knows I don’t need all the layers but he knows I am afraid to find out what I would be like if I didn’t protect myself with lies that keep me circling empty territories I’ve memorized by heart.
To take off the layers takes time. You must go one by one with them.
But in the meantime, He’s with you. He’s never not with you.
He’s with you and he’s not covering His face in His hands to block the shame. He’s not dependent on where you go on a map. If you leave today with a suitcase in hand, He’s with you. If you unpack tomorrow and never look back, He’s with you. If you go somewhere new and you try to make it home but it just doesn’t work out, He’s with you.
The geography isn’t worthy of all your trust, but He is. The job isn’t worthy of all your trust but He is. The future isn’t worthy of all your trust but He is.
He’s with you and He’s a pretty good holder of the layers when you’re ready to start taking them off.
