Panic mode ON

November 15, 2018

Last year, I had the opportunity to work on a fundraiser 5km run for Justice Ventures, an organization that works to combat human trafficking and bonded labour in India, China and Nepal.

At the time, there was a lot of confusion on whether the run was needed at all, and if I’d be the one spearheading it if it was. I remember spending many restless nights wondering what I needed to do, as God kept gently whispering, “Take a step of faith.”

I did. I booked a flight from Bangalore to Mumbai without any indication of whether I was going to be working on the run. Yet God works in awesome ways, and two weeks later, we were working on organizing the event.

And I remember, right then and there, when I should have been grateful and full of praise, I began to panic.

It doesn’t take much to stress me out. I panic quite easily and am horrible at dealing with it. I shut down and crawl into a shell that I thought only a few people were aware of, believing that the brave face I put on holds up under scrutiny. I’ve been told otherwise.

It had been a really dry year for me, work-wise, and nothing had worked out the way I wanted it to. I wasn’t experiencing a lot of success with the work I was doing with most of our company’s clients, and that just led me to believe I wasn’t particularly skilled at my job.

And now here I was, in an unfamiliar city, doing something I’d never done before, for an important cause that really needed support, and the only thing going through my mind was,

“What if I fail?”

“What if I let them down?”

“At least with the other clients it was just money. This is about uplifting the oppressed, this is about helping victims.”

I felt this great burden on me and as I panicked, I did the only thing I knew that would work – I prayed.

It was then that I came across a song – Abraham – the lyrics of which I’m posting below –

There is a mountain in between

What you have said

And what I I see

Standing before this offering

My failing heart

Will fight to believe

On this altar

On this road

You have called me from my home

The weight I carry is not my own

Spirit move this heart of stone

And suddenly, in that moment, I realized – the weight I carried was not really my own.

It wasn’t my burden to bear. God cared about the cause, about the people, more than I did and more than I ever could.

Human trafficking, slavery, and oppression break God’s heart and it is His cause first, then mine.

I understood that since God put this burden on my heart, then he would surely equip me to carry it through.

And He did. What followed was miracle after miracle, favour after favour, and the result was the coming together of 250 people who decided that they wanted to take a stand against human trafficking, that they wanted to make a difference. I honestly have no idea how we pulled it off. We, who worked on the event, know that we hardly did much and that it was the people around us, the ones who came forward and gave so much of themselves, that actually led to a successful run.

Why am I writing this right now, a year later?

Because here I am again, working on the same event, in a space where I should be grateful, but instead panicking; worried that I might fail.

And here God is again, reminding me that it’s His cause, that He will make it happen, and that the small steps we take matter.

Here He is again, reminding me that He is going to break my heart over this cause, over the millions of people who live as slaves, abused and tortured, and the one thing I can do is share this, asking you to pray.

We are organizing the Race for Freedom again. It’s a 5km walk/run again in Mumbai on the 1st of December, 2018 and if you are led to, we’d love to have you join us – to raise awareness, to contribute, to fight injustice.

Here’s the link –

In faith, in hope, I believe we will come together for justice.

I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord, be strong and take heart - Psalm 27:13-14
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