I’m in so much trouble, and I don’t know if I will get any help!
I have so much to fear. I have so much to be anxious about. I don’t know what my future in this house looks like.
Will I be fed today? Will I get breakfast, lunch, or dinner?
Will I be able to find clothes to go to work, and if not, will I be able to afford new ones?
I don’t know, I just don’t know, and it’s so hard to tell.
The future, whether near or distant, does not look promising, because I cannot see it. Of course, I’m worried. How can I not worry when I don’t know what’s going to become of me?
I go out to the garden, my heart still trembling.
Although I’ve seen it a thousand times before, I’m still amazed at the view. Each tree is well-watered, and each flower is uniquely taken care of. Every plant, every blade of grass, and every leaf stands tall – loud and proud, almost screaming – “see how well we’re taken care of. See how we’re thriving here.”
“Yes, there have been moments when dead branches have been cut off from us. Yes, there have been times when we’ve been pruned and it’s been painful, but look! Look! See how we stand together in beauty and splendor. See how well we’re dressed. All that pruning has only been to make us grow better! Oh, how well we are taken care of here.”
They don’t understand. They don’t understand my worries!
I walk back into the house, and my dog comes running at me in glee!
I can tell that he’s just had his fill of the most delicious meat, and he’s ready to jump on me to shower his love and drool, on me.
His face beams as he pants loudly, almost as if he wants to say, “see how well I’m taken care of! See how I’m thriving here.”
“Yes, there have been times when I’ve had to be taken to the vet and I’ve hated it. Yes, it’s been painful at times, but look! Look! See how joyful I am. See how I get the best food, the best drink, and the best care. Oh, how well I’m taken care of here.”
He doesn’t understand. He doesn’t understand my worries!
I push him aside and walk into the kitchen, where my father is waiting for me.
I see that he’s cooked my favorite meal and a set of brand-new clothes in the corner of the room.
He turns to me and smiles. His love for me is so real. His face is so joyful for he has so many surprises in store for me. And he can’t wait for me to share in his joy.
But he sees the worry on my face – the doubt, the fear, the anxiety.
My feet are dirty from going to the garden, and my clothes are filthy from playing with the dog, but all he can see is my face – and his smile fades away.
His heart is broken.
Even after everything, after all that he’s done; even after the excruciating sacrifices he’s made, he sees in my heart that I still doubt he’ll take care of me.
He sees that I still believe he’ll take care of his garden and his pets, and not his child.