October 10, 2016

“I try to memorize the lines that I’ve written but I can hardly read them anymore. The teardrops begin to fall on the crumpled piece of paper clenched in my fist. I can hear my heart beating, louder than anything else around me. Fear has taken hold of me. My vision gradually reduces; I cannot tell if the tears are out of fear or out of sorrow; but that doesn’t really matter. All that matters now is what I’ve done and what I must say. I try to memorize the lines that I’ve written…

I see him in the distance. He turns to me. My heart skips a beat. The piece of paper falls to the ground. I’ve run out of time. I can only hope to remember the words that I need to say now. That is all that matters. He starts running towards me…

I can almost see the anger burn within him. I can almost see him take out his sword and separate my head from my body. He won’t even wait till I reach him. He will come to me just to finish me off right where I stand. My body starts to tremble. I must say the right words; it’s all that matters. I try to remember them but they refuse to leave my mouth…

I see him run closer. My mind takes me back to the time I insulted him; to the time I mocked him and dragged his family name in the mud. I can almost see it in his eyes now – revenge.

He is here now. My body freezes right where I stand. I cannot even see his face clearly anymore. Everything’s a blur now. It’s too late. I close my eyes and wait for him to kill me. I wait for the blade to slice through me…

…but it doesn’t. He throws his arms around me. Gently, he kisses me. Am I dead already? Is this real or is it all just my imagination? No, this can’t be true! After all I’ve done, I deserve to be punished; I deserve death. I can feel the tears roll down his cheeks, over my shoulders. I stand still….

….And it finally gets to me. It was never about what I had done, or what I had to say. It was about him, about who he was, about who he is.

I get it now. It isn’t about the words I have to say; but I say them anyway….

“Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you…”

the prodigal son
“But the father said to his servants, ‘Bring quickly the best robe, and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet. And bring the fattened calf and kill it, and let us eat and celebrate. For this my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found.’ And they began to celebrate” – Luke 15:22-24

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